I’d like to be a firm believer in this:
“With age comes wisdom”
Though, in the things I experience in my job, this isn’t necessarily the case for some of us older folks.
I get my fair share of people using lines like “I’m totally 19″ or “I’m not 21″ when I ask to see their identification. Nine times out of ten I humor these folks (almost all of whom, by the way, seem to only be in the age range of 23 to 27) but then there are some folks that I am not so quick to play along with. Many times I respond with things like: “You are making ME feel old because I’m old enough to be your father” or “Here’s a little advice… Try waiting until you’re at least 35 to use that one – otherwise, you’ll piss off a door guy who won’t humor you.”
Its not often that we encounter someone who’s actually underage. Last night was an interesting case.
It was about 11:45pm. This young guy walks up to me at the door and the following story begins:
Me: “How you doing tonight?”
Guy: “Good. Uh…My uncle is playing bass tonight and he said I could come in for free”
Me: “Oh really?, What band is he in?”
Guy:”I don’t know what they call it… Who’s playing?”
Me: “What’s your uncle’s name?”
Guy: (long pause) “Rick”
Me: “Well… It must be Rick James”
Me: “Look pal, There’s no band tonight, just DJs”
Guy: “Well, this is embarassing”
Me: “For you, yes… Let me see your ID”
Guy: “I’m leaving”
Me: “Okay – don’t come back!”
5 minutes pass. He returns.
Guy: (extends his hand out with a small flower in hand) “Can I offer you this flower in exchange for getting in?”
Me: “Did you pick a flower from our plants out front? What the f*ck are you thinking?”
Guy: “Yes, it’s a good offer, please?”
Me: “Look… I’m not a game player. Two things I cannot stand are people who lie and people who steal… So, before I get very angry, you’re gonna turn around, walk out the door, and you won’t come back here again.”
Guy: “But the…”
Me: “Okay, that’s it” (I stand up turn him around and escort him out the door)
30 minutes later
Our largest most menacing burly bouncer is outside. I see the door open, the young guy takes one step in. The bouncer yells “Hey Rob, head’s up” but then grabs the kid by the back and all I see it the guys feet leaving the ground, and in one whooshing blur his body disappears like he’s being yanked by a bungee cord.
I scramble to secure the money and usher the folks around me into the room. I see the flashing lights of a police car.
I emerge outside to find the bouncer handing the guy to an even bigger, more menacing police officer.
Apparently, the officer was driving by the moment the young guy got yanked and stopped, turned the spotlight on bouncer and young guy and said “Hey guys, what’s going on here?”
What I didn’t know was that outside the bar the guy was telling people he was underage and that he was going to get into the bar.
I told the officer what happened between us, the bouncer told the officer the story from outside, he laughed and confirmed that he isn’t 21. The officer thanked us and that bit of oddness ended nicely as the officer escorted the young man away from the bar.
I think the youngster learned a valuable lesson last night. (I hope)