“With age comes wisdom”

Though, in the things I experience in my job, this isn’t necessarily the case for some of us older folks.

I get my fair share of people using lines like “I’m totally 19″ or “I’m not 21″ when I ask to see their identification. Nine times out of ten I humor these folks (almost all of whom, by the way, seem to only be in the age range of 23 to 27) but then there are some folks that I am not so quick to play along with. Many times I respond with things like: “You are making ME feel old because I’m old enough to be your father” or “Here’s a little advice… Try waiting until you’re at least 35 to use that one – otherwise, you’ll piss off a door guy who won’t humor you.”

Its not often that we encounter someone who’s actually underage. Last night was an interesting case.

It was about 11:45pm. This young guy walks up to me at the door and the following story begins:

Me: “How you doing tonight?”
Guy: “Good. Uh…My uncle is playing bass tonight and he said I could come in for free”
Me: “Oh really?, What band is he in?”
Guy:”I don’t know what they call it… Who’s playing?”
Me: “What’s your uncle’s name?”
Guy: (long pause) “Rick”
Me: “Well… It must be Rick James”
Guy: “What?”
Me: “Look pal, There’s no band tonight, just DJs”
Guy: “Well, this is embarassing”
Me: “For you, yes… Let me see your ID”
Guy: “I’m leaving”
Me: “Okay – don’t come back!”

5 minutes pass. He returns.

Guy: (extends his hand out with a small flower in hand) “Can I offer you this flower in exchange for getting in?”
Me: “Did you pick a flower from our plants out front? What the f*ck are you thinking?”
Guy: “Yes, it’s a good offer, please?”
Me: “Look… I’m not a game player. Two things I cannot stand are people who lie and people who steal… So, before I get very angry, you’re gonna turn around, walk out the door, and you won’t come back here again.”
Guy: “But the…”
Me: “Okay, that’s it” (I stand up turn him around and escort him out the door)

30 minutes later
Our largest most menacing burly bouncer is outside. I see the door open, the young guy takes one step in. The bouncer yells “Hey Rob, head’s up” but then grabs the kid by the back and all I see it the guys feet leaving the ground, and in one whooshing blur his body disappears like he’s being yanked by a bungee cord.

I scramble to secure the money and usher the folks around me into the room. I see the flashing lights of a police car.

I emerge outside to find the bouncer handing the guy to an even bigger, more menacing police officer.

Apparently, the officer was driving by the moment the young guy got yanked and stopped, turned the spotlight on bouncer and young guy and said “Hey guys, what’s going on here?”

What I didn’t know was that outside the bar the guy was telling people he was underage and that he was going to get into the bar.

I told the officer what happened between us, the bouncer told the officer the story from outside, he laughed and confirmed that he isn’t 21. The officer thanked us and that bit of oddness ended nicely as the officer escorted the young man away from the bar.

I think the youngster learned a valuable lesson last night. (I hope)

I get my fair share of folks whose purpose it is in life is to haggle. I’ve got the women who respond to the cover charge in such an overly dramatic way (shocked, seemingly offended, in utter disbelief), that you’d think I’d just reached around and grabbed their ass.

I get the guys who roll in with ladies and he says “Aren’t ladies free to get in?” and every time I say “No”

Needless to say, there’s always a ‘joker’, a ‘sweet talker’, and hagglers who sometimes become endearing, but typically aren’t. Basically, what it all comes down to is that I see so much of it, I see that there’s no shortage of bad choices and poorly executed ‘haggling’. I thought I’ve seen the worst of the worst.

Then there was this guy last night.

He comes in around 12:45am. He tries to walk right past me and I stop him. I call this ‘the first attempt’

Me: “Hey buddy. Where do you think you’re going?”
Haggler: “Oh… Does it cost money to get in here?”
Me: “Yes. You also have to show me your ID”
Haggler: “Oh… How much is it?”
Me: “$5″
Haggler: “Oh man… Hmm… Well, here’s the deal, my buddy and I don’t have $10. How about if you let us in two for one?”
Me: “How about $10 for two?”
Haggler: “I’ll go outside and talk to my buddy”
Me: “Ok”

10 minutes pass and I feel like that was the last I’d see of this fellow. Then, there’s the second attempt as the haggler returns.

Haggler: “Okay, here’s the best offer. My buddy and I want to come in and I’ve got $7 for the two of us.”
Me:”That’s not $10. Like I said, it’s $10 for two -or- you are welcome to come back at 1:30am and it won’t cost anything”
Haggler: “So it’s free now?”
Me: “No.”
Haggler: “Okay, we’ll be back”
Me: “You might want to bring that friend next time”

Another 10 minutes pass… Third attempt – guy walks in and stops next to me. Haggler comes in behind him and I make the connection that this is haggler’s buddy.

Me: “ID and $5″
Buddy: “What?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I assumed that you and your friend here have been conversing about the cover charge.”
Buddy: “You want me to pay? FUCK YOU!”
Me: (I stand up, and I move in a no longer mister nice guy move, up close and personal) “No thank you. You’re leaving now or your night will become very unpleasant – BOTH OF YOU, OUT NOW.”
Buddy: (walks away, haggler follows, and buddy gives me the middle finger) “fuck that!”
Me: “Have a nice evening”

I felt that this was it, last I’d see of the two. But then haggler returns with his ID out, tries to hand it to me.

Me: “I was talking to you AND your buddy – you’re not welcome here”
Haggler: “I don’t understand? Why?”
Me: “First of all, you suck at haggling. Second of all, your friend was the biggest douche bag I’ve had the displeasure of meeting all night, and last… The last thing you want to do is piss me off further.”
Haggler: “So I can’t come in?”
Me: “Come on…”
Haggler: “What? What did I do”
Me: (I stand up and ask him to walk out the door with me) “You are leaving, I’m done dealing with you. The next time you come in that guy there (I point to our largest bouncer) is going to drag you out of here. Let’s not have that happen ok?”
Haggler: “Ok”

Fall has been pretty sweet thus far. Despite my recent injury, I’ve been a busy beaver in the kitchen. The best thing that’s come out of this period of productivity? Canned goods!

This year I seem to have embarked on a canning mission. Having had such great success with my golden spicy garlic dill pickles last year, I was determined to make sure we had plenty both for us and to offer as thank you gifts for our ongoing fundraiser.

This year, Jen had given me the book: Food In Jars because she knew how fond I’ve been of the blog site of the same name [Here] and how much I wished I could have attended Marisa McClellan’s canning class when she rolled through Portland.

I’ve had lots of success with my jalapeño jellies & pickles before feasting my eyes on some of Marisa’s recipes. When we stumbled upon gorgeous locally grown organic nectarines at the farmer’s market I had to swoop them up!

I had seen a recipe for nectarine lime jam and had to make it happen! I used organic granulated cane sugar and Ball Liquid Pectin (though, in the future, I want to experiment with Pomona’s and less, or no sugar).

The jam turned out fabulous and has been a hit so far with my family and friends.

There’s something extremely therapeutic in my canning. I can’t seem to get my shit together enough to finish my garage-based nano brewery and I miss the time spent in the kitchen making beer.

Canning seems to offer me some of the same exciting experiences: Obsessive cleanliness and sanitation of equipment and jars/lids, the heat and subsequent sweat caused by a large pot of boiling liquid on the stove for long periods of time, heating a sweet concoction in a stock pot and keeping a watchful eye to prevent ‘boil over’, it’s all there…

I look forward to cranking out some jams in the coming weeks from fruits we picked in the middle of summer. They’ve all been cleaned, frozen, and then vacuum sealed! We’ve got strawberries and blueberries and they’re just aching to become jams!

I’m finally reaching a point, into the second week of this new year, where I am starting to see lots of progress, plenty of clarity, and feeling the drive to really turn the corner (from the past 3 years of sleep deprivation, stress, depression, money fears) and to take back the reigns on this horse-drawn carriage.

The big accomplishment today was launching our new collaboration: Living Life Upside Downer. This blog is a family project and will help us not only work through issues, but share things with people in a way that is honest, humble, and whimsical.

That aside, I’ve been a busy boy in the kitchen!

From Christmas Dinner Cioppinno to making homemade ketchup… I’m certainly on a roll! My next few posts this week will be covering food items (with one or two observations from the bar tossed in for good measure) so stay tuned!

The biggest news is that Sam has been making huge progress; joining two words, making a few small fragmented sentences, adding to his vocabulary. One example: You can hear Sam point at things and say “Hah Dat” which is ‘Have That’ this in reference to what he has at home, or in some cases wants to have at home. All of this is hugely rewarding and exciting.

We have been doing everything we can to get out and be active. At the end of September we took a trip to the Oregon Coast during a storm.

It is windy and hard to hear Zoe’s break down following Sam’s destruction of her creations but it certainly provides a glimpse into what Zoe deals with on a constant basis.

Chris Haberman with Sam at his art opening on 10/13/11

October found us on one of our most treasured evenings out & about as a family. We made the trek to an art gallery. Our friend and favorite artist Chris Haberman had an art opening at Portland State University in downtown Portland.

We brought our particular brand of chaos to this small gallery and the kids LOVED seeing Chris and the art. From there we walked to a place called Cafe

Zoe observes Chris Haberman’s art work

Yumm for dinner, made our way to a fancy store that sells spirits (for the grown ups), and to Voodoo Doughnuts on the NE side of town for a sweet treat, photobooth shenanigans & some pinball. Everyone had big smiles!

Zoe captured this photo of me in the pumpkin patch

As October was ending we enjoyed venturing out to get pumpkins at Kruger’s Farm on Sauvie Island.

This spot has become a favorite destination of ours. We have yet to attend their summer concerts for a plethora of reasons.

Now that Sam’s communication skills are emerging, I foresee a future where we can head out to this farm on warm summer nights to listen to the music.

Zoe with baby pumpkins – October 2011

As November roared past us, we rode the waves as eloquently as possible. Thanksgiving was spent with our dear friends Carolyn & Phil and their sweet little ‘almost 1 year old’ boy, Silas. I decided that I would smoke the turkey in my smoking cabinet. I am happy to report that the turkey was delicious!

December has decided to blast by us faster than we could have ever imagined.

Christmas is just a week away. We celebrate Winter Solstice and our family & friends more than anything else (as our home isn’t one that gravitates to any one religion). We have adopted the traditions of having a tree,  decorating, putting lights up, and gift giving.

We went on a quest to cut down our own Christmas tree this year. We started at a cool farm that was suggested by a friend (Frog Pond Llamas & Alpacas) and while we struck out in finding the right tree, we certainly were entertained by the animals!

A few days later, we went to Sauvie Island Farm and found ‘the tree’. In order to get this glorious tree into our home some projects had to be completed.

Sam, Zoe & I are up to no good at the tree farm Photo by Jen of shesawthings photography

The family room needed to be painted (got that done), the TV mounted on the wall (got that done too), and shelves hung on the wall (done as well). So we have a really nice place to hang out as a family and the ball has begun ‘rolling’ in the right direction on crossing off things on the never ending ‘to do list’.

I’m closing this blog post with a sneak peek at what’s to come in the next few weeks…

We have lots of news regarding Sam’s development, our hopes of fundraising so that we can continue with our new found help at the Artz center, projects that both Jen and I are embarking on, more frequent posts regarding my food creations & some interesting observations I make while at work.

Well… Apparently Autism is becoming so widespread that it was enough to become the focus of a two-part episode on a recent Extreme Makeover Home Edition. If you watch that show you know what I am talking about.

I watched the show yesterday and felt a host of emotions. I had so much compassion for the family that the show was helping. We have one child with Autism and the thought of having to manage 2 children with and one without seemed so overwhelming to me.

It was refreshing to hear about the Sparrow Club and how they utilize community to not only help someone in need but to teach kids (and the community) more about the challenges faced by the people & families they adopt.

I have to live in this delicate balance (as I am sure Jen does too) where I am all at once striving to fight every single day to help get the support and services my child needs to become what and who he wants to be. I also have to continually brace myself for the acceptance that there is a real potential that Sam will never be able to live alone, that he may never know independence, he may never know what falling in love is like, going on a date, or a first kiss.

When Lindsay McPhail opened her heart on national television and explained that she and her husband just have to let go, and accept that this is what faces them for the rest of their lives it brought tears to my eyes.

I don’t think that she said that because it was tragic, like you might when you’re facing a really awful terminal disease that will likely lead to death, but I felt that she said it because it’s the truth. Her words and tears came from someone who is living with tremendous challenges and whose undying love & commitment to her children and family is tested every single day. It is like going to battle each and every day for the rest of your life.

Everyone has different dreams and aspirations for themselves, and those of us with children have dreams and aspirations for them. When you are confronted with this kind of challenge, it requires you to come up with an ever-changing series of plans for the rest of your life.

Why do I think you should care about Autism? Because not only is it here but it is spreading like wildfire.

As of 2011, Autism affects one in every one hundred and ten children and more specifically, one in every seventy boys.

It is important for folks who know nothing about Autism to learn about it. It is important that these folks have some compassion when a kid is having a meltdown in a grocery store, or a restaurant, or anywhere in public.

Try hard not to look at someone in disgust. Try smiling or looking away. Until you’ve lived in their shoes for a day, lets just say it’s best to leave your judgements aside.

You can find out more about Autism at Autism Speaks.

Onto our world now…

We found out yesterday that the funds are gone in our county’s disability services. This means that the speech therapy (which is NOT covered by the expensive medical insurance that we have been paying out-of-pocket for over the past few years) that we have been trying to get assistance with is going to end for Sam.

Jen has jumped through all kinds of hoops to get the funding and getting the call that it was in vane in the middle of all this hard work is like getting a boot to the gut.

A while ago I reached out to friends with a fundraiser. With the help and amazing generosity of my friends and anonymous folks from all over, we raised almost $2,200 to help us pay for this much needed therapy.

I am trying to come up with a new series of fundraisers in the next month or so because I simply cannot sit by and not help my son get therapy. It seems to me that it is essential that any person who expects to participate in society be able to communicate. Communication is so often taken for granted that it isn’t until folks lose their ability, or have it temporarily interrupted, that they understand how important it is.

Why a health insurance company would not be interested in helping to pay for this kind of critical therapy is beyond me. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, as I have loathed medical insurance companies for some time now. They have profited from my family, as they have on countless other families. It is our hard earned money that has the corporate executives living so luxuriously as my wife and I join millions of Americans in a fight each month to keep our bills paid.

When we started speech therapy with Sam, he only had the ability to say one or two words.

Now Sam has many words.

The greatest joy came from taking Sam yesterday after a hiatus of several months. The excitement that his speech therapist had for the progress Sam has made was really wonderful to see.

It’s been an emotional time.

Halloween is over. Sam still has anxiety but we’re dealing with that as it comes (because lots of folks want to hang onto their decorated front yards for a while longer).

We’re now onto Thanksgiving and looking forward to having a new experience with some dear friends! The whole family is thrilled to try something new for a change!

I also want to thank my friends on Facebook. It is their kindness and support that helps to lift me out of the pit on many occasions. It’s this amazing awesomeness in each and every one of them that combines with the love in my family and makes me feel rich beyond my wildest dreams.

Thanks.

So friends, just as I support you and do my very best to never be disrespectful, please allow me to vent.

I fucking HATE Halloween.

I just scraped the surface a few weeks ago. With the constant anxiety that Sam has been under (which exists pretty much all of his waking hours) I am just absolutely done with the scary, outlandish, creepy, over-the-top, made of toxic material crap that sits in people’s front yards.

Nevermind the costumes that are about to roll out this weekend. I’m gonna go out on a limb and take a guess at what I am going to see at the bar:

• Women dressed in something slutty
• Men dressed like slutty women
• Zombie men and women
• Zombie women dressed slutty
• Zombie men trying to eat slutty zombie women
• If I see an Angry Birds costume I will have to refrain from punching the bird.

Okay, this seems a little aggressive. It would seem like I am just an angry man who wants to go out and punch stuff, or people. This is not the case. Thankfully, I am a whole lotta words and very little action when it comes to aggressive ranting.

It’s gonna happen, this Halloween thing. I cannot stop it. I cannot make anyone try to resurrect an Autumnal celebration that seems to have now been declared dead and exists only in a bygone era.

So with this rant, and this deep loathing for what this ‘holiday’ has become, I declare it DEAD to me. I know that sounds kind of funny.

So, let me share what these last few weeks have held in store for us.

Sam has a knack for remembering his whereabouts when we go driving. He has now become familiarized with where the most scary homes are. He begins to panic before we even pass the house. He shakes, he cries, he sounds terrified.

In this video clip, I have pulled over the car. Sam was hysterical after seeing a house that had very graphic/gory/horrifying decorations.

A recent class that Jen and I were able to attend together helped put me on track for trying new angles in helping Sam cope and to help redirect him when he is stuck on something, or an emotion, or something that has happened to derail him.

I really had taken a lot of the things they were discussing in this workshop to heart and allowed it to influence the way I did things this past weekend. It seems to be a great thing so far. It’s really hard to maintain calm all the time, but it has to be something that both Jen and I commit to 100% of the time.

In this clip, we’re still on the side of the road and both Zoe and I work to redirect Sam’s fear. “Hockee” is Sam’s way of pronouncing Halloween.

As I drove off, we passed another home (this one is new because they JUST added decorations). This of course sent Sam back into his super anxious/terrified mode. These clips are, for me, even harder to watch when I’m not in the moment. I feel so much empathy for him and can only imagine how awful it must be to be so terrified and to not be able to communicate this with people (let alone your parents).

So, to help Sam cope with the next week, Jen and I are going to get Sam some sleeping masks that we can have in both cars. If he feels like there is something scary he does not want to see, he can cover his eyes.

We’ll see how that goes.

As far as Halloween is concerned, we’re not going to be having candy at our house. Zoe will be able to go out with her friends and experience trick or treating with them, Jen will likely be with her.

Sam & I will have a quiet evening and he will go to sleep somewhere around 7 – 7:30pm

Like people, these items all have a complex tapestry of stories; the person who thought up the creation & made it reality, the store/merchant/catalog that decided that this product was an essential addition to their inventory, and of course… the all important person who fell in love with said trinket and purchased it (either for themselves or as a gift).

Lets also consider the rebirths that these items have through countless gag and white elephant gift exchanges across the country. This is beginning to sound a lot like the inspiration to great movie scripts for films like Toy Story.

I decided to share my obsession today. I’ll add my own thoughts and made-up stories for these items and will be making posts that highlight these great finds regularly.

The Majestic Smoking Owl

The first one has to be my most favorite and one that I still kick myself for not buying.

I saw this painting of an owl when I first walked into the thrift store and walked straight to it.

As I got closer I realized that this was no ordinary owl but it was a SMOKING OWL.

So the story I came up with in my head occurs between two people. We’ll call them Alex and Drew. Alex is an aspiring wildlife painter who lives in Sonora, California. He paints this amazing owl as part of a project at the local community college (where he goes to school). Alex thinks he will someday hit the big time and will be able to paint for a living.

Drew is Alex’s friend and room mate. Drew isn’t an aspiring artist but instead, fancies himself as a rapper whose rhymes are born in the mellow landscape that surrounds Sonora; rolling hills dotted with oak trees, mountainous terrain covered in manzanita and cedar trees. Let’s just say that Drew’s greatest accomplishments are found in his delusional self-importance and consumption of cannabis. He thinks of himself as a ‘Player’ but has an uncanny ability to scare women with his persona.

Now that we’ve established this, the story is really simple. This is an act of vandalism. Drew has a party that gets out of hand and in a moment of pot induced mayhem, Drew makes his first contribution to art. He changes this majestic spotted owl into a poker playing, whiskey slingin’ bad ass.

Alex and Drew were not friends after this happened. Alex was so distraught that his creation was defaced that he donated it to a charity.

Band of Angels

The last installment for today is found in this band of angels. When this gem caught my eye I took a closer look.

They all seem innocent enough until you see Ariel – she’s the one member of the band who seems to be the dark angel (you’ll see what I mean in the close-up to follow).

The story that came to mind: Edna, who lived in Tacoma, WA. was excited about the upcoming winter rummage sale at her church. Her husband Arnie just finished making their new mantle over the fireplace. Edna was eager to decorate that mantle for the holidays.

As she strolled through the rummage sale she found these angels. She called Arnie to her side and with much excitement asked him to agree that these little angelic darlings were the perfect thing to adorn the mantle. Arnie grunted once (which meant ‘Yes’).

Edna & Arnie returned home. She wasted no time setting these angels up by the light of the silver tinsel Christmas tree, the sweet sounds of the holiday record by the Seattle Lutheran Church Choir, and the smell of a meatloaf cooking in the stove.

Dark Angel

Sadly, Arnie left a can of varnish next to the oven. The heat caused the can to ignite and they both perished in the resulting inferno.

Amazingly, the angels survived and were then donated to the local Salvation Army.

Edna’s eyesight was poor so she couldn’t ever see the eyeballs on our dark angel.

Sometimes I come up with fictional stories that are horrifying. Some of the stories are boring. Some of them totally vulgar and inappropriate. Please know this before you decide to read more of my posts in the future.

Before I go, I did want to show off one more piece of art. I really want to surprise my wife with this one. This die cast metal work of art is rather large. It is approximately 3 feet wide and about 21″ tall. Nothing says “Honey, I am a virile macho man” like a huge Matador wall hanging. I kid though. My wife would kick my macho ass if I hung this bad boy on the wall.

Mas Macho?

We’ve gotten to the point where he will panic if he sees pumpkins. PUMPKINS!

Sam will mention Halloween at least one time every 10 – 15 minutes or so. He pronounces Halloween ‘Hah-Kee’ and holds his hands up and fingers forward, moving in a fluttery motion (like a ghost)?

This obsession and fear combination makes it very hard to figure out how to handle his melt downs.

I have successfully found the routes to take at the different stores that have little or no Halloween imagery. On many occasions I opt to not take Sam with me at all (if I can arrange for Jenny or Ryan to watch him). It’s sad because taking him to places like the store help him to gain independence, to participate, and to have a say in some of the items I obtain for us to eat.

Thankfully, the closest large Asian super market has absolutely no Halloween in it whatsoever. So I guess we will be making lots of trips there until November 1st.

We have been trying hard to keep Sam happy and entertain him during this season of what seems to me to be chock full of  images depicting gore, ghastly ghouls, and a general shocking glamorization of death and traumatic disfigurement.

It’s funny that I find myself pretty turned off by this glamorization. I was a huge fan of some fairly classic horror flicks (and probably still am) like the Hellraiser films and a whole host of Clive Barker films (to name a few).

The first thing that offended me was the newborn two headed baby/monster…

Stupid two-headed baby/demon doll

Jenny and I saw that the moment we walked into the thrift store close to our house. Every year the store sells new and used Halloween costumes and supplies.

Here’s the thing folks… Take a long, deep look within and ask yourself: “Does this plastic creation made in China using unregulated toxic materials say to me ‘This is what Halloween is supposed to be to me!’?”

Please don’t take this as me being on a soap box and proclaiming that somehow I am a prude who is going to form some kind of committee to ban this kind of expression.

On the contrary…

I am someone who fiercely believes in freedom of expression, in all forms: music, media, art, religion, food, clothing, body modification, the list could go on and on and on.

My problem is that these things appear in plain sight at places like… The GROCERY store!?!

I have the same issue with the other crap that spews forth on the other overly commercialized holidays as well.

So, for now I am eagerly counting the days until the Halloween bullshit ends and we move closer to the Winter Solstice.

Last weekend Jenny had to work all day Sunday and into the evening. The kids and I stayed at home and did all kinds of fun stuff. One of the favorites was some dance time with Just Dance 2 on the Wii.

Zoe just doesn’t allow me to take video of her so in the interest of keeping the peace I just captured Sam:

Sam is extremely expressive. He has a good sense of rhythm and when given the opportunity, he will actually dance (well). It’s fun to watch Sam approach things like this with such excitement, happiness, and passion.

Some food for thought:

What has happened to the tradition of Halloween?

This holiday has historically been the extension of the celebrations in Autumn that symbolize unity and community (following the long hours of  hard work of harvesting as the days grow ever shorter the closer we get to Winter).

Yes, traditionally costumes have been a part of all hallow’s eve, for what else would one do to ward off evil spirits?

Gatherings & celebrations including bonfires, sweet treats, and games have all been in this long tradition. Where have these gone?

Sweet treats have been hand made (traditionally) and included fruits and baked goods, not aisles and aisles full of individually plastic wrapped high fructose delivery systems to fatten up the ever expanding waistlines of America.

Where are these traditions?  Why are we so disconnected from traditions that foster a feeling of community?

Friday isn’t even worth mentioning. Except for the fact that it was not only the attack of the jeggings, women wearing the most awful tops (where their bras were almost completely exposed? What fashion trend is that?), and what seemed like an endless procession of men whom apparently have a penchant for being assholes.

I want to take a moment to thank the folks who were extremely mellow (mostly patrons of the bar who appreciate and love the bar) as well as the abnormally large number of cougars that came down last Saturday night. I am not sure if it is because I insist on seeing your IDs, or my general disposition that makes you… fond of me?

To the one cougar whom my co-workers had to witness interacting with me (they are often amused by these interactions) At first, that thing you were doing (where you walked up to random men whose ID’s I was checking and shouting “HEY! This is my husband… Where the HELL have you been?”) was funny but after the 3rd time it wasn’t. The 6th, 7th and 8th times were kind of pathetic but I politely smiled and played along.

Then, when you thought you were being flirtatious, handing me your broken cigarette (as a tip I think?) and proceeding to take my cap off my head (which you are lucky that I wasn’t grumpy because I may have escorted you out of the bar) you stood next to me, leaned in close and whispered in my ear: “What the fuck is up with the hat? Don’t wear the hat. The hat says I’m a pussy. Take it off and own that sexy bald head! You gotta say YEAH bitch, my head is bald and you love it.”

You were funny, albeit a bit annoying at times, but I appreciate your compliments about my biceps, my beard, and when I explained how cold it gets & why I need to wear the hat I was suddenly seen as practical rather than a ‘pussy’. You were much more entertaining than the 22 year old man who was upset that he had to pay (apparently, mister newbie doesn’t go out to see live music enough to understand that bands don’t play for free, exclusively for him… just because he’s handsome) and even more hilarious than the fellow who decided to light entire matchbooks, one at a time, at the wood picnic bench out front and ask me if I was going to get all tough with him…

The weekend is always a mystery. You never know what will happen. What I do know is this:

• I came home in the wee hours of the morning
• I gradually make my way to the bedroom
• I quietly sneak in, I have a little flashlight in hand
• I hear the trio of deep breaths coming from my family, sometimes there is a three part harmony (occasionally some snores)
• In that moment I am filled with love and peace
• I quietly retreat into the bed
• Sometimes Sam will move a bit, sometimes his hand or arm will wind up being placed on my shoulder, or embracing me…

So, I try to find the humor in all the things that happen during long hours and late nights. I do my best to be a ‘good sport’ and to make everyone feel welcomed, cool, funny, etc.

I can’t always be 100% all of the time.  I am lucky to have an extremely strong connection to calm and patience because I certainly believe it has saved me from getting into bad situations.